…And Then I Panicked

My right eye fluttered open and I began to slowly take in my surroundings in a drug induced haze. I heard shuffling and beeping all around me. My left eye wouldn’t open but out of the corner of my right I kept catching glimpses of blue racing back and forth. Occasionally a mass of blue would approach me and speak but I was only vaguely aware of what they were saying. I turned my head slightly and saw my spousal equivalent hovering in the corner. He had written Billy Loves Sarah in big letters on the white board facing my bed. I couldn’t summon the words to speak to him, to tell him I loved him too. I just laid there and started taking a physical and mental inventory. I reached with my right hand and felt around on my chest. There were wires coming from everywhere, including one that I was pretty sure was coming out of my neck. I had already noticed that my left eye wouldn’t open but at the time it didn’t seem too alarming. As my hand made its way up my face and toward my hairline I began to feel stubble… AND THEN I PANICKED! They shaved my head! The doctor told me he wouldn’t; that they could use an old incision. And yet I kept feeling around and I had no hair on top of my head. I felt a tube jutting out of my scalp but that didn’t even bother me. As I ran my hand over my head, panic turned to horror as I realized, um, they forgot to shave half of it off! So not only was I a hideous mess with tubes and lines in every orifice, but they had only shaved half of my hair, leaving me looking like Bozo the Clown. Really? They couldn’t have just finished the job while they were up there?

It was a full week before I could go home and have Billy shave the rest off for me. It was a full year before I had a full head of hair again. But it has been two years and counting since my last chronic, debilitating migraine and despite the hair thing…I have to say I am pretty damn lucky!

Me and SO - 1 month post op - Felt a bit like a deranged elf!

With hair...and a new outlook on life!

Writing Prompt by Mama Kat!

Anyone can wear skinny jeans…even me!

I can’t quite put my finger on when I realized that I had a “weight management” problem. Probably in middle school, when all girls really start comparing themselves to each other and the figures they see on TV. I have battled my weight all my life and continue to do so. I think people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, but I don’t really buy into the rising fat acceptance movement. Not because I have any objection to how anyone else lives their own life.  I just feel there is too much science behind the serious health risks of obesity. Coming from a long lineage of heart disease and diabetes, I didn’t really luck out in the gene pool department either. So I don’t feel like it’s “OK” in a health respect to be overweight.  I do feel like it is important, however, to embrace who you are at this very moment and live your life to the very fullest. That’s a big part of being “healthy” too.

So when I saw that chubby little babies are being squeezed into “skinny” jeans by fashion forward parents I began to do my own research. Can BBW’s (big beautiful women) like myself rock a pair of skinny jeans? My quest began. I searched (mainly online) for a pair of plus size skinny jeans and they were remarkably easy to find. After reading several reviews, I decided on Old Navy and their dark wash skinny jeans.

Fast forward to today, my first chance to wear the item in question. It’s casual Friday at the office and I decided there is no time like the present to continue my experiment. The result? FABULOUS! I don’t know if it is the psychological effect of knowing I am wearing “skinny” jeans but I feel slimmer and more put together than I usually do in my boot cut or relaxed jeans. And I have received several compliments already!

So what is the message here? I guess it is that as a “plus size” woman I am accustomed to getting into a routine with my wardrobe and feeling downright frumpy sometimes because I feel like I don’t have many options out there. It is nice to know that some retailers are incorporating the latest trends into their plus size fashion lines and marketing them to this often overlooked demographic. I am realizing that part of getting healthy is accepting who you are at this very moment and loving yourself no matter what your size or shape. So while I will continue to try to make better food choices and live a more active lifestyle, I will also be thankful for what God gave me and show off my curves in my sexy new jeans!

Anyone can wear a great pair of skinny jeans!


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